Thursday, March 4, 2010

So much for this weekly thing, huh?

Okay, so maybe "this week in DD" should be more like this tri-annual summary... Sorry.

DD kind of exploded at our house over the last month or so. I was starting to doubt it. I started feeling like it was just a stupid idea and all those nagging insecure thoughts flooded to the forefront once again. I thought about quitting DD, and just as I was getting ready to break that news to Paul, he decided to spank for something and it didn't go very well, and everything just kind of, well, exploded. I basically said that DD was dumb and I wanted to quit and it made me resent him, and all kinds of other things I thought I'd never say to the man I've worked so hard to get to buy into this...

So for the last several weeks, things have been pretty silent around here. I wasn't ready to talk, because I wasn't sure I knew what I was going to say. Paul mentioned once that he knew I'd probably want DD back eventually, and that he'd wait for me to tell him. That made me feel really good. At least I knew I didn't totally destroy everything in one hormonal moment.

Anyway, we finally got around to talking last night, and agreed that DD is a must for us, and we needed to get back on track. I asked Paul to really tighten the reins to help me keep DD at the front of my mind for a while. When school gets busy, DD and relationship things are the first to fall off my radar. This is particularly bad right now because on Monday I start the most intense rotation of the year.

Another thing I was struggling with was maintaining the power to stop DD if I needed to, but also not being able to turn it on and off whenever it was convenient for me. We decided to reevaluate the DD issue at set intervals. That way, in between those times I can scream about wanting to quit DD all I want and Paul doesn't have to listen, but I still get a chance to say my piece on a pretty regular basis. I think that will help me out a lot.

I don't really have any other updates. One thing I thought was funny from last night was that when Paul asked what kinds of things I wanted him to pay attention to, I just said "Imagine the wife you deserve, and then do whatever you need to do to make sure that I'm her." We giggled, but it was actually a pretty good way to describe it!

We'll see what happens.... I have a feeling that with this new rotation starting I'll have something to update you all with sooner than I'd like to think. :)